Hey, Ming, if you could time travel,
what if you could go to the future?
What would you do?
I'd go maybe 30 years, see how my life turned out.
- You'd look yourself up? - Yeah, I'd look myself up.
What if you caught your older self masturbating feverishly?
[All laugh] Yeah.
If I'm 77?
- You're in a wheelchair. - Yeah.
You just pull down the blanket
and all of a sudden, you're like,
- "What--what's myself doing?" - Right.
Oh, no. [All laugh]
Don't do it, Ming.
That wouldn't be that weird.
He also didn't mention
you're in a playground. [All laugh]
You're just like, "Oh, no."
If I had those faculties in 30 years, I'd be happy.
What, faculties to just masturbate in public?
No--
- I'd think you lost a lot of them if you're doing that.
Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com
Hello and welcome to another episode of Comic Book Men.
I'm your host, Kevin Smith.
- Fred Johnson. - Walt Flannigan.
- Ming Chen. - And Michael Zapcic.
As we all know from Spider-Man,
with great power comes great responsibility.
But first you've gotta have the power.
What super power would you choose?
Definitely invisibility.
I'm surprised Johnson didn't pick telekinesis.
You don't have to move for nothing.
- Oh, yeah. - Just--I'm hungry.
Turkey leg right at you.
I don't even have to raise my hand.
- No. - I can be like ahh.
What about yours, man?
I would pick healing factor.
Like Wolverine's, uh, mutant healing factor
which means if he gets cut,
in 30 seconds the wound heals itself.
And he doesn't age, right?
Uh, almost, his aging process--
- That's what I want. - Yeah, so you don't wanna--
- I don't wanna die.
Well, you don't wanna die but, you also wanna look young, too.
'Cause you could be an eternal-looking 100 year old.
But you're like, no, I wanna look sexy, bub.
- I wanna be-- - Exactly.
- I wanna be in bars. - Snikt.
[Laughs] Yeah.
I'd go with, uh, teleportation.
It's a bad power to choose.
- It's so dangerous. - Why?
Because if you're teleporting somewhere,
how do you know you're not gonna teleport into something
that's, like, solid?
What if a car is parked in front of a Boulder?
[Laughs]
What, in the world ofStar Trek?
They're like, "Beam us down to this lifeless planet."
Like, "There's a car here and I'm trapped! Tow it!"
I'm dying slowly!"
It's a risk I'll take.
What about you, Kev?
If I had to pick one, it's not one that's very sexy.
Patience.
Super patience.
They haven't done that character yet.
The guy that could just out-wait anybody.
- I got the time. - Panel after panel...
Of a dude, like...
That's an exciting comic.
Crime's happening all around him
and he's just like, "I'll wait it out."
Ming, do you think even though a magazine's from '78
their offer for a man's girdle is still valid?
Look at that, man, that could be me.
- I've never seen them here. - You should carry 'em here.
Jay and silent Bob's girdle?
- Hey, guys. - Hi, how are you?
- How you doing? - What can we do for you today?
I collect a lot of old toys from the '60s and '70s.
How about 6 Million Dollar Man,you into that?
6 Million Dollar Man.
We got a C10 6 Million Dollar Man in the store, just came in.
- Really? - Yep.
Well, I'll take a look at that.
Look out the window, Mike.
Holy [bleep].
[Bleep] Batmobile!
[Laughs]
That's insane.
The Batmobile came to Jay and Silent Bob's Secret Stash?
The Adam West Batmobile.
It was actually a replica that this gentleman had made.
That makes me wanna cry.
The six-year-old Kev inside of me is
just like, "It came to your store"
and you weren't even there."
This is like something out of a Shel Silverstein book.
It's heartbreaking. [All laugh]
Utterly heartbreaking.
Is that your daily driver?
Nah, nah, I collec--I just collect them.
I'm a big Batmobile fan, so I have a Michael Keaton Batmobile.
I have a '66 and, uh, Green Hornet's black beauty.
What's yours valued at right now?
That Batmobile was signed by George Barris.
It's also signed by Adam west and Burt ward.
So, it's 135-140.
Is it street legal?
Yeah.
That Batmobile was used for the
movie Rockstar starring Jennifer Aniston and Mark Wahlberg.
How fast can it go?
Well, mark pushed it 130 on the set.
- 130 miles it goes? - Yeah.
It has actually a 460 underneath.
You don't have to charge to let anybody drive it?
- Why, you wanna drive it? - I don't know.
Because, you know, if we wanna negotiate something,
we can do that, too, I mean...
All right, all right.
I let you drive the Batmobile if you can
hook me up with something I like here.
Oh, you guys wanna come check it out?
- Yeah, definitely. - Yeah, yeah.
- Let's go. - Ming.
Just watch the store while we check out the Batmobile.
- You serious? - Absolutely.
- No way. - Oh, my God.
You hang out in here, pretend you're looking
at wonder woman's invisible jet.
- Check it out. - Wow.
This is it, my friend.
My God.
Screw you guys, I'm not staying inside.
[All laugh]
Wow, can I sit in it?
Yeah, sure.
Oh... whose signature is that?
George Barris.
Oh, my God.
What's that?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, don't, whoa, whoa,
don't hit all the butt--you don't know
what they're gonna do, right?
Calm your batpole, bitch.
I'll push the buttons if I want.
Did that reach the kid in you on any level?
It definitely did.
Like, I a--I rarely touch my inner kid.
- Right. - You know, it rarely gets, um--
[All laugh] - Sounds dirty, but isn't.
It's his "inner" kid.
Yeah.
Look, it even has a little TV in it.
Oh, you got a utility belt back there.
Bat radar.
Look at Batman's, like, primitive GPS.
Man, it's like a compass on the--on the...
What other bat goodies you got in this car?
We have the bat shield right behind you.
Oh, the batshield, Walt.
- Oh, Walt, look at that. - Batshield.
That's supposed to be, like, a bulletproof shield, right?
Exactly.
I remember that.
- Corny. - Better than this--
Is that Adam West?
- Yes, that's Adam west. - Oh!
What's that?
Is that a cowl?
No way.
- Oh! - Wait a second.
It sounds like your wedding night.
He's like, "Oh... Oh..."
[All laugh]
Favorite Batmobile across any era.
For me, it'll always be the Tim Burton Batmobile.
Aerodynamically, it doesn't even make sense.
But, in the movie it looks so amazing, so badass.
My favorite one, probably, is the Jerry Robinson one.
With the big, gigantic bat head on the front cover
and the eyes that light up.
I'm still all about the '66 Adam west Batmobile.
All the gadgets started with "bat."
So, you know, there's no question.
I'm between cars right now, [All laugh]
So, I guess I'd take any of them.
- Here you go. - Thank you.
Let's go!
- To the batcave! - Whoo!
Let's get it up to 100.
Greetings, citizen.
- Obey the law. - Don't jaywalk.
I'm just gonna hit things.
What does that thing do?
- Oh, crap. - Uh-oh.
Oops.
Sorry about that. [Laughs]
Ladies, ever been hit on by Batman?
I finally got respect.
Best day of my life.
Don't tell my wife I said that.
[Laughs]
Straighten it out a little.
There you go.
It's pretty amazing, man.
I finally got a ride, too.
I didn't have to take the bus.
Thank you so much.
Hey, no, thank you very much.
- Thank you very much. - Fantastic.
No problem.
I wish every day could be like that.
Like, something cool like that could come in.
But then I guess if it was every day,
then it would get boring, right?
If every day was like that?
No, man, every day could be a wonderful party.
Why not? It should be, man.
Because what happens when we die?
We don't know.
I bet you in heaven,
everyone has a Batmobile.
That needs to be on a monument
if not on a bumper sticker.
"In heaven, everyone has a Batmobile."
That makes me hope I go to hell.
[All laugh]
[Phone rings]
Comics.
Hey, man, what's going on?
All right, yeah, a hockey game, huh?
What time you think you're coming in?
All right, man, I'll see you then.
All right, man, bye.
Hey, guys, Kevin called and told me to tell you, get the boys,
get them together and, uh, get a hockey game going.
Whenever I'm back in the red bank area,
the one thing I want is balls flying at me, like crazy.
I want 'em all over me and whatnot.
And, uh, when I say that, of course,
I'm talking about playing hockey.
Hockey played such an important part in my development that
it wound up in Clerks.
And that's in the movie because
that's what we did in real life.
That was a part of our world.
So keeping it alive, I think, to me has always been
a part of tethering to the past.
Are you playing?
What kind of question is that?
Well, I'm--you have a bad knee.
Did I--did I say that Kevin called and we're playing?
Yes, I'm playing.
- Are you playing? - Yeah.
He called, I'm playing.
When was the last time you even ran?
I'm in peak physical condition, Ming.
- Peak physical... - I'm ready to do it.
Mike, do you have a stick?
Yeah, you do.
All right, I'll get you a stick.
Well, don't wear those jeans, though.
And it's regular hockey, not field hockey.
Oh, crap.
Yeah, leave your skirt at home.
All right, let's go.
- Stop slamming the counter. - I know, and go call them.
All right, all right, all right.
Sorry.
New Jersey is not, uh, what most people
would consider a hotbed of hockey.
But, uh, the reason I think most of us are into hockey
is because of Walt.
I had gotten Bryan into it a little bit.
We became friends, and, uh, I imagine you
didn't know anything about hockey--
- Nothing, nothing at all. - At that point in your life.
So Walter was like, "Play goalie."
'Cause I was like, "I don't know if I can handle a ball"
or anything like that or chase it around the court."
He's like, "Play goalie, we always need a goalie, man."
It's either you or a garbage can."
And I was like, "Well I can be a garbage can!"
[All laugh]
All right, here you go.
This is my lucky stick.
- How's that feel? - Good.
This is the guy you're gonna take lessons from?
I've scored more goals than you ever have.
No, that's not true.
When it counted, not these
little pick-up games you use to play at the tennis courts.
Oh, you're gonna tell Kevin Smith the formative games
we used to play at the rec don't count?
I used to play soccer back in the day.
- Does that count? - Nah.
Nobody in America cares about soccer.
All right, lesson number one: Dribbling.
- Keep your stick soft and supple. - Right.
Feel the ball on your stick.
Just feel the ball on your stick, Mike.
Is that Mike's next lesson?
This is how he seduces you, Mike.
- [Laughs] - Look out.
Wait. Hey, hey.
Eye on the ball, eye on the ball.
How's that?
You look like you're dancing.
Mike, no.
[Sighs]
[Laughs]
All right, lesson number two:
- Passing. - All right.
You know we're playing on almost
- a regulation-size rink, right? - Yeah.
Bring it back, bring it back.
You think at any point you guys will move, like,
more than ten inches away from each other?
You're the one I'm worried about.
- What about me? - You got the bad knee.
I just run right around you.
Ready.
This is bulk, this is hard to get around.
One more time, one more time.
Mike, take that ball, try to get it around him.
All right, fine.
Look at this, man.
Look at this!
You guys are nothing.
What the [bleep] are you guys doing?
Ming's "teaching."
We got customers in there.
Mike's never played before.
I wanted to show him some pointers.
Is he just showing off or is he
- actually showing him something? - Showing off.
I'm not showing off.
I'm worried about him.
I'm a little worried about you, too.
Don't worry about me, worry about yourself.
I'm ready.
All right, bring your game tomorrow then.
Let's go inside now
- 'cause we're done. - All right.
I'm winded, man.
We're gonna get crushed.
- Is that you? - Yeah.
I self-publish autobiographical comic books.
Very impressive.
I'm more interested in what's
- next to this. - Oh, my God.
I brought you my prized possession.
This is my lightsaber hilt.
Do you think it's the real deal?
Do superheroes retire?
Yeah, I would have to think that,
you know, superheroes retire.
And you know, that's when they look back and reflect
and be like, "Man, I saved the world."
But what if, like, they retire
and then they got nothing to do, they get bored.
They work at a--a box store as, like, a greeter.
He's, like, checking your receipt as you leave.
Like, that's the level of his crime fighting.
To make sure that you didn't shoplift socks or something.
It sounds to me like you're, uh, contemplating retirement.
I feel like I've already retired--semi-retired.
What have you retired from?
I don't know.
Hope? [Both laugh]
Oh, awesome.
- Hey, how you doing? - I'm Jonathan.
- Michael. - Hey, Michael, how's it going?
You brought some stuff in?
I did, I brought some, uh,
original artwork for you to take a look at.
You guys might be interested in
this couple of Byrne Fantastic Four pages.
- Is that you? - Yeah.
I self-publish autobiographical comic books.
And actually, I just got accepted into
the San Diego comic con to exhibit for the first time.
- Oh, wow, congratulations. - Yeah, yeah.
What's the name of your book?
It's called So Buttons.
My grandmother used to be like--you'd say, "So?"
And she'd be like, "Sew buttons on your underwear."
That's, I guess where it-- [All laugh]
That's--that was the--yeah.
Kids don't say so anymore right back now.
They're more like, "[Bleep] off, grandma."
Yeah, exactly.
So you just tell the story of your life?
Yeah.
This is my newest one.
I used to work for, uh, Robert Redford at Sundance channel
and, uh, you know, there's a story about him in there.
Very impressive.
Are we gonna be in the next issue?
You just might be, just might be.
I met three dicks in a comic book store.
But, uh-- [All laugh]
I know this is gonna sound strange,
but I'm more interested in what's next to this.
The--the Giant-Size Man-Thing.
- Can I take it out? - Sure, take a look.
This is a book that I had as a kid, Bry.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
He's so nice, he's picking a log up off a deer.
Oh, yeah, man-thing's not a bad guy.
He's just misunderstood.
Kinda like, just wants to be left alone.
I'm starting to identify with man-thing.
Muck-encrusted mockery of a man.
Yes.
If there was one thing I know
about Flannigan, he loves a giant-size man thing.
I mean, what was marvel thinking, publishing that?
I mean, they had to know the tongue-in-cheek, right?
When they're, like, putting that cover together and they're like,
all right, let's put the title Giant-Size Man-Thing.
No one in that office is not snickering?
I'm sure they were like, [Stifles laugh]
"Go, Stan, go!"
How much for theGiant-Size Man-Thing?
Giant-Size Man-Thing?
- Yeah. - Closer to 500.
You know, I love it but it's--even 500,
it's a little bit more than what we could spend today
but, you know what, I really dig your books.
- Thanks. - The paper, the colors.
I mean, very professionally done
and it's just, like, it really would stand out,
um, amongst other independent books.
Would you think, uh, would you give a thought to
maybe having let us--blah, blah, blah, blah.
You had an easier time proposing to your wife, Jesus.
Do you think maybe you'd do me the honor of letting
one of your comics go on my--I mean,
I know I'm not worth it, but...
I would love for you to sell So Buttons in Secret Stash.
He made it easy for you.
I mean, yeah, I-I would like to, um sell it.
That's, uh, that's amazing I would love that.
All right, sounds like a good deal?
Sounds like a good deal.
Think maybe that might help on maybe bringing
the price on that Giant-Size Man-Thing down?
What do you think for the Giant-Size Man-Thing?
Let's, uh, let's take a look.
150?
Well, 150's a little farther away from 500,
- but what if I said...250? - Ooh.
What if I said I made this my Black Friday special?
[Laughs]
So buttons on special.
200?
Um...
150 is the--really, the best I can do.
175?
- All right, man, deal. - Thank you.
- All right. - [Laughs]
-...75, here you go. - Perfect.
- Well, thank you. - Thank you very much.
- Thanks for bringing it in. - Appreciate it.
And, uh, here's a card.
Give us a call from time to time
- and we should restock-- - Check in on So Buttons.
On So Buttons and I think your thing is gonna do well here.
- It's a great looking book. - Thanks a lot.
See you guys.
About 175 for that's not bad, right?
That'll look really nice up there.
Mike, by the way, you're off next week
with no pay since he bought that.
You earned it.
When was the last time you played?
A year and a half ago.
I--I'd--I'm--I think I'll make it about
10 minutes before I pull up the mask and do a...
[Imitates retching] Projectile vomit...
And then get back into the game.
Big, how long are you gonna make it before you vomit?
I've already thrown up twice so far on the way here.
McCutchen, Clownface is in goal.
Like, they wouldn't let that play in the NHL.
- Puffy hair coming out the sides. - Yeah.
It's one thing to paint a mask, it's another thing
to put on accoutrements and whatnot.
He's accessorizing. [All laugh]
Last time I faced McCutchen, he took a penalty shot against me
as a goalie; Rushed at me wearing pads.
Yes, the penalty shot.
- A goalie-on-goalie penalty shot. - Goalie-on-goalie penalty shot.
Was he shooting with a stick or goalie stick?
He had a real stick but he had the big leg pads on, so--
He was running at me with these pads with his big leggings
and so, I'm like, I have to--if I don't block this,
I look like the worst goalie in the world
because the goalie is scoring on the goalie.
And thankfully, I caught a piece of it.
You shut him down, it was impressive.
But you can't trust him
'cause he could just kind of pop out the goal
and try to score on you.
Which I would never do.
I would never run all the way down there.
Not even if the place was on fire.
You want me to hack him?
Yeah, would you?
- Just go out and take him out. - Slash him.
Yeah. All right, let's do this.
All right, let's get this going.
Five-on-five, everybody in.
Everybody in.
Lady Ming, what are we gonna do, sir; what's your plan?
Our plan is to run our asses off and to not get injured.
Just giving everyone a reminder, my nickname
has been "The Sieve" for many years.
Don't let any past you.
You ready? Everybody in.
One, two, three. All: Puck you!
All right.
Let's do this.
All right, let's play hockey!
[Grunts]
Aw, Mike!
Never to Mike!
Come on, Mike!
Mike, Mike, Mike!
I'm open!
Come on!
[Groans]
Come on, Flannigan!
Ow.
Ming!
Come on, Ming, find twine!
[Laughs]
You got checked by a girl!
Shoot, shoot, shoot!
- No, nope. - Never!
Oh, man.
When you were younger, it was all about the glory
of blocking something and if--if it did take a shot in the ass
and it hurt, you just manned up and stuff.
But, like, I'd see someone come and wind up.
Suddenly, I'm thinking about my tender parts and I'm like,
"This is gonna hurt for a while."
[All laugh]
I didn't feel young, I'll tell you that much.
Oh...
Holy [bleep], man.
- What do you got here? - The entire run of
Crisis on Infinite Earths.
- Whoa. - You know what this one is.
Death of Supergirl.
You're like, "Whoo, I'm sure they're not gonna"
kill anybody else that major.
But you'd be wrong.
- Hey. - Hey, how's it going, man?
- Good, how are you? - I'm all right.
What do you got here?
Uh, well, what we got is
the entire run of Crisis on Infinite Earths
with doubles of, uh, of the later half.
Did you ever hear of this, Ming?
Crisis on Infinite Earths?
Uh, I mean, vaguely.
For those that, uh, don't know, in a nutshell,
give them the Crisis on Infinite Earths.
It was a 12-issue series that were--
DC was going to, uh, fold all of their worlds.
DC was, uh, a company built on, like, 12 different worlds.
They called it the Multiverse.
So there was, like, an earth-a, an earth-b,
an earth-2, and an earth-4.
An earth-x.
And on all these different earths,
they could take their characters
and tell stories that they wouldn't wanna normally tell.
It was a fabulous series and the first big, major event
- was in issue seven. - Right there.
- Death of Supergirl. - Right.
You get the gut-punch with issue seven.
And you're like, "All right, whoo, let me catch my breath"
till next month and I'm sure they're not gonna kill anybody
"Off that major, at least until another couple issues."
But you'd be wrong.
Stop assuming because right off the bat, next month, they
- kill off the flash, Barry Allen. - Wow.
And--and he stays dead for, like, 23 years.
That's huge.
To save the world, he sacrificed his life.
And to sell issues.
[Laughs] Yes.
To sell issues.
Why you wanna sell it?
Uh, I'm just trying to make a little extra money
toward a film camera.
I'm trying to be a film director
- and editor, um... - Oh, neat, wow.
So I'm selling off the past to pay for the future, really.
Well, that--that sounds familiar.
A comic book collector sells his collection to fund his movie.
Yeah--
You ever heard that story before?
I am a fat guy from Jersey, so...
So, the dude's trying to make a movie?
Said he was inspired by you.
How awesome is that, man?
Do you think that's, um, harder or easier
today to do what you did?
Sell your collection to make a movie?
I think it's--I don't think it's easy
to sell a collection anymore.
But I think it's easy to make a movie.
The technology is democratized.
They can make cameras that anybody can use--
- Can even make a movie on this. - Bingo.
And you can edit a movie on that and you can upload
that movie to the Internet right on the phone.
Like, to make Clerks, we needed to rent equipment,
lights, we needed to rent a Steenbeck to edit it.
You can do all the stuff we did right there on a phone.
So it's in the hands of everybody.
It's closer--in closer reach than it's ever been before.
Problem is, with so many people doing it,
it's tough to stand out.
'Cause now the field is even wider full of competition
because it's open to everybody.
All right, what else you got?
Uh, that is a print I got signed by Jim Lee.
I got it in 2003 at wizard world in Philly.
I looked over and I was like, "Oh, there's Jim Lee, signing."
So I was like, "Let me hop on it"
before the line gets ridiculous."
Yeah, that's beautiful.
Jim Lee, probably today's
premier Batman artist.
As far as the print goes, I mean,
I'm a gigantic Jim Lee fan, I mean--
He's one of the greatest--
Most popular comic artist working today.
I mean, it is just a print with his signature
so it's, like, it's not original artwork,
so, um, what are you looking for for the print?
Um, I think 20 would be a good number on that.
Um...will you take 15 for it?
- ...yeah, I'll take 15 for it. - All right.
What are we looking at for the Crisis?
For the Crisis I'd like to get as close to 100 as I could.
Okay.
I've gotta be honest, I've seen sets go in high grade for 25.99.
- In high grade, 'cause I've-- - High grade, yeah.
I've seen full sets for that amount,
but usually their grade is usually around, like,
a six or seven out of a ten.
Like, if I sell it here, I might be able to get 50 for it.
So, um, I'm gonna have to offer you, um...
15 bucks for a set.
- 15 bucks for the set? - Yeah.
If you want the 30 for--for these two items, then, you know,
we can make that happen.
I think, uh, I think 30 will do.
I--I'll let these go at 30.
- Okay, fantastic. - Good.
That's a little bit of karma--
good karma right there, man.
That's you reaching back through time.
If we can script it into a comic book to an earth-2 Kev
and being like, here's the money.
Go chase your dream.
- All that in 30 bucks? - My mom liked that joke.
He--he probably needed a couple more books to sell
before he could start filming, but--
Right, but it's a good thing.
You put him on his path.
We started him off.
- All right, man, thanks. - All right, thanks a lot, guys.
- All right. - Good luck.
Yo, how you feeling?
I have elevated heart rate.
But not in that good way.
- How are you feeling-- - I feel great.
You look like you're dead already.
You look like you blew your [Bleep]
At warm-up for some reason.
Running around like a sprite out there.
- I'm all right. - You're like a teenage boy.
You shot so early we got nothing left.
We have 45 minutes left to kill on the hour we paid for.
At this point, you're like, yeah, let's play a full game!
And then you're like, 15-minute game.
And then you're like, ten-minute periods?
Oh, I'm done. [All laugh]
- Go. - All right, let's do a faceoff.
This guy can't shoot.
Aw!
Come on!
What the [Bleep]?!
Oh [bleep].
Save the day, Walt.
Time out, time out.
No time out, get the [Bleep] up there.
Check him, Ming.
- [Laughs] - Oh, for Christ's sake.
Is that it?
[Groans]
Of course, uh, the spirit is always
more willing than the flesh.
Flesh was very weak, insanely weak.
Almost nauseatingly, vomitously weak.
I don't remember...
Needing to sleep quite so much when we used to play.
Literally, the first step I took made my knee buckle
and I was done after that. [Laughs]
Let me see that--how big is it?
Aw, it's like a grapefruit.
I got crutches at my office if you need them.
- Bengay, icyhot. - Rascal?
I'll steal one from the grocery store for you.
For a long, long time, we didn't play hockey.
And age just crept in.
Yeah, I--I'm a little thicker, a little slower.
I tell you, man, I felt tired as balls
and we didn't win the game by any stretch of the imagination.
But when we got to do it again together, it was awesome.
Like, suddenly, we weren't 40 years old.
It feels like we're resuming a conversation
we left off 20 years ago.
You know, but always continued
every time we kind of come together.
So, brings you back to where it all started.
I'm ready to go another round.
[Bleep] A.
I never want to get up.
Who's gonna open the store?
Wassup!
Oh, look who it is.
I brought you my prized possession.
- This is my lightsaber hilt. - No way!
I mean, I was a big Batgirl fan because you like Batman
and suddenly, this is everything you love about Batman,
but you can have sex with it too.
[All laugh]
And so suddenly, you're like, "I love Batgirl, she's great."
- Then-- - In the show?
Like Barbara Gordon in the show, or in the comics?
In the comics and in the show.
I liked her in the show, but I liked her
as Batgirl in the show, not as Barbara Gordon.
Whenever she got out of the outfit and she looked like
a librarian with the short hair,
I was like, "That ain't Batgirl."
But when she gets shot in
The Killing Joke, the Alan Moore story,
the joker shoots her and shatters her spine,
and so she's been in a wheelchair ever since, right?
And that made her, I think, ever more appealing,
'cause then you just wanted to take care of her
- 'cause she's in a wheelchair. - Really?
Oh, you wouldn't leave her?
No--what?!
Yeah, I'm like, "You're no good to me."
"You've been shot.
Below the waist, you're dead."
Any girl I'm with feels nothing below the waist.
Comics.
How's the stocking of the shirts coming, Ming?
Uh, could be doing better; We've got a lot left here.
Wassup!
Oh, look who it is.
- How you doing, Jay? - How you guys doing?
What are you doing in town?
You know what I'm doing in town, man.
Kevin asked me to come in
and check things out, so--
- What does that mean? - I wanted to come in and--
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What are you talking about?
He wants to see how things are going, bro.
Uh, did I hear this right?
Mewes came to visit and, like, worked at the Stash for a day?
He told me you told him to come down and work at the Stash.
That--doesn't that sound a little sit-com to you?
I'm like, "Your punishment is you gotta"
go work at the Stash, young man."
And he's like, "Aw!"
See him fly across the country in graphic--
[all laugh]
What new books are--are here today?
Ming, he is not getting those books for free.
I don't care what you've gotta do or what you have to say.
You cannot let him walk out of here with those books.
All right, full price.
Give him a discount, you heartless bastard.
I know, his name's on the store.
I'm gonna take these and then I'm gonna come back
when the new books get here.
All right, I'm gonna let Ming handle this.
And I need to get a shirt.
I spilled something on my shirt.
It's a little chilly out so I'm probably gonna take a hoodie.
That's cool, Ming'll take care of you.
You know this was my idea to make hoodies, right?
He invented the hoodie.
You know, one day, I was like, my head is cold.
I wish there was a shirt with a hood on it.
No, no, I didn't invent the hoodies but...
- All right, is this it? - Wait, why are you--
why are you ringing this up, bro?
What do you mean, why am I ringing it in?
'Cause that--wait, I'm not gonna pay for these.
Well put them back if you're not gonna pay for them.
- What do you mean? - You've gotta pay for them.
- Wait a sec. - I'll give you a discount.
- Turn around and look at him. - Okay.
What's on his chest.
- Oh, the--your face? - Yeah.
Yeah, but it's not--you really think that, like, um--
Like, Orville Redenbacher walks into a food store
and he's like, I'm gonna take this popcorn.
All right, you're right.
You're right, none of that makes sense.
But, yo, I'm broke.
[All laugh]
Yo, let me get a dollar.
Jay, of course, you know from the movies; Jay and silent Bob.
But, uh, for those that don't know, uh, Jason Mewes,
the guy that plays Jay, um, you know is the dude who kind of
Peter Pan-ish, man.
Like, forever young.
The best way to describe Mewes is,
this is what happens to Bart Simpson when he grows up.
Can you just pay for the books, Ming?
Ming, just pay for the books then.
Ring him in and use your card and everything's cool, bro.
Oh, use my card?
Yeah.
[Laughs]
I'll pay you back, though.
Like the ten bucks you owe me from 1996?
I'll pay you back, yeah, yeah.
[All laugh]
All right, it's $103.45, there's tax.
I'm gonna go take a lunch.
When I get back, if you want,
I'll run the front and you guys can take a break.
I wanna go with you.
Let's go to lunch, dude?
Do you think--
do you think you could add, like,
20 bucks, dude, then we can get
cash from the Reggie just so I can grab, like, some pizza?
Yeah, we can do that, we can do that.
Wha--no.
I'll get you back, dude.
- All right, all right. - 20 bucks, that's it.
He thinks of you, he's like, "This pigeon.
I can take money out of him like he's an ATM."
I still don't know how that happened, though.
How did I whip out my credit card and--
'Cause you got starstruck, dude.
You see him still and you're like,
"He's that boy from the movies!" You know?
And you're like, "Here's all my money, Mr. Mewes."
We're going to lunch, I'll be back.
If you guys wanna take a break--
Don't hurry back, take your time.
What just happened?
You got robbed.
[Laughs]
- Hey, man, how you doing? - How you doing, buddy?
Good to see you.
What's the occasion?
I got too much comics.
My man cave's in serious jeopardy.
My wife is giving me a lot of heat.
Your manhole's in jeopardy?
Man c--man cave.
I think you lost him.
Walt and I talk about--it's where guys keep their comics.
- Oh, okay. - And their stuff.
So, my wife said you gotta go through this stuff
and, you know, get rid of some of it.
So you gotta get rid of some to get some more.
It's--it's like the ongoing thing.
- All right. - What have you got there, man?
Al Harvey, who created Richie Rich, Casper, asked Steve Ditko,
who co-created spider-man, to create a 3d comic.
Where'd you get this at?
Uh, it was a long story.
We don't have that long. [Both laugh]
When do I come here like clockwork, ever week?
- On Wednesdays. - Wednesdays.
When you put out the new books.
Back in the day, books used to
- come out on Friday, remember? - Right.
So on Fridays...
...this guy who my friend used to say was going through
mid-life crisis and had a suit on and...
So he buys a collection from an old lady.
Her husband had a stationary store...
...you spent $32 on comics this week...
...toy store this weekend and I ran into Mike and
I had my daughter and he had his...
...I remember the day my dad got an ulcer.
I wanted to get the, uh, Death Star droid--
Dude, how much do you want for this?
Yeah, are you trying to sell them?
Or are you just coming here to tell a story?
You know, m--maybe.
On the Internet, I've seen it as high as 145.
Yeah, but you know what?
You, as well as I, know that
there's very few people looking for this stuff right now.
Every day that this book is not sold,
someone who was interested in it, is dead.
They die by the minute.
A man of your capability can move things.
If not, put it in a more capable hand.
Oh, there goes two more of the potential customers
have died by the time we're having this conversation.
I had a vague interest in them.
I felt though, I could get them at a price
that I was comfortable with.
But, unfortunately, Jay felt that
it was not a price that was fair to our regular customer.
So what do you think, Walter?
Uh, I'll give you 15 bucks for Captain 3-D...
And True 3-D...
Yeah.
50 bucks for all four of them.
He starts haggling against us?
He starts haggling against us.
Against the family?
Fredo. [Kiss noise]
He is the Fredo of this bunch, man.
There's all the new 3-d movies,
so maybe it'll catch on again.
This--'cause this is 3-D from 1950.
Which means it's not cutting--
it's not the state-of-the-art 3-d.
I'll give you $30 for these.
They're worth more than that.
This is from 1952.
It's about 60 years old.
4o bucks for all of it.
45.
Um...
Would you do 45 store credit?
- Store credit? - 45?
- 45 it is. - You got it.
All right, thanks, guys.
- All right, my man. - See you later, bud.
- Good seeing you again. - See you on Wednesday.
See you Wednesday.
I probably could have got that for a lot cheaper.
This is crap.
Well, I think next time, I should negotiate.
What a [bleep].
That's ridiculous, man.
That's why he's a danger behind the counter.
[All laugh]
I brought you my prized possession.
This is my lightsaber hilt.
Do you think it's the real deal?
I can tell you with about 90%
surety that this, uh...
The monkey comes over, he's like,
"Hey, what's up, bros?"
We love you.
Worm, worm, worm.
Clean up my shoe, buddy.
Do it now or you're fired.
You want some banana?
♪ Banana nana fo fana fa fe fi fo nana ♪
I've never tasted a monkey.
[Imitates sound effects]
[Imitates monkey chatter]
Jay...what are you doing?
Uh, nothing, I'm just trying to figure out how I could
strategically set these figures up for display.
Why did you open them?
So people can see them when the come in
and get to smell them and touch them.
All right, don't open any more figures, okay?
Oh, I won't, this is all I need.
I'll leave you back to, uh, figuring it out, I guess.
All right, yeah, I'm gonna figure it out.
Okay.
Then we can put you in
front like this--oh, that doesn't work.
What's all that noise back there?
What's he doing?
I think he's playing with action figures.
His own action figures or?
Yeah, one of the figures is him.
[Laughs]
The only time he slowed down
even a little was when he was playing with those toys.
But, otherwise, he is like a human pinball.
Let him stay back there till, you know, we're done with the--
Store's closing in a couple hours.
You don't want this guy upsetting
good, normal people coming into the store.
So, yeah, you put him in an out-of-the-way place.
Let him play with his figures.
I said yeah! Teh-tah!
- Hello. - Hey.
- Hi, I'm looking for Walt. - I'm Walt.
- Hey, Walt. Keith. - Keith.
- Hey, man, how you doing? - Good.
Kev, this is the guy I was telling you about.
- Right, right. - This is why I called you in.
How you doing, Keith? Kevin Lau.
- Hey, Kevin, nice to meet you. - Good to meet you.
Got a call from a guy who wanted
to verify if he had an authentic Star Wars prop.
Okay.
I told him that we would never be able to authenticate it.
So I had to call in a Star Wars expert.
He could rock some authentication.
Right.
So, um, what you got here?
I brought you my prized possession.
- Your prized possession? - Yep.
This is my, uh, my lightsaber hilt.
All right, can you tell me a little bit about it?
You got it at--where was the shop?
Uh, it was Ann arbor, Michigan.
Uh, the owner got it from an auction
and, uh, it was in the store one day before I bought it.
It's been on my shelf for, you know, 15 years, easily.
Okay, Ann arbor, Michigan.
That's a far way from, uh, east end London, but...
Is that where it was made? London?
Well they were made in england but it was filmed in London.
And you say this was in A New Hope?
Yeah, supposedly it was from the first film, yes.
I paused the movie, like, time and time again,
just staring at the bottom of this thing to make sure I had
the right amount of rubber pieces and, like,
the bottom of it looked correct,
and the right bolt pattern and everything else.
Uh, the most important thing about lightsabers is,
obviously, their construction; What the came from.
They came from what was called a grey flex flash handle.
You're telling me photographers
would use these things?
This would be used for a photographer, exactly.
They actually held the flash.
It'd be on a pole and the flash
would be up here.
The production team actually
went out to different antique
shops throughout england and
started buying these things up.
Basically, all the pieces in
the world like this are gonna be found
in a lightsaber because Lucas went out and bought
every single one of them that they could possibly get.
- And how do you know that? - 'Cause I'm a Star Wars geek.
[Laughs]
Another key thing with lightsabers,
this is called an hp 44 computer board.
This is the on and off button for a lightsaber.
And it has 13 of these little slots--is that 13?
- Yeah, lucky 13. - So there are 13 on there.
A lot of fakes have the wrong number
and, uh, just getting the board itself would be very hard.
The one thing that kind of makes me
doubt if it's real is its weight.
It's really, really light.
A lot lighter than the ones that Mark Hamill would use.
However, a lot of cases, they would make ones
where they would gut the insides,
designed basically as a stunt lightsaber.
- Mm-hmm. - Something a lot lighter.
And these would be the ones that
you'd see, like, Mark Hamill running through the snow.
They didn't want him to fall on a heavy one.
Right, sure.
Want him to fall on a light one.
What do you think; You think it's the real deal?
I can tell you this is not an authentic lightsaber...
From A New Hope,
with about 90% surety that this was actually used in
The Empire Strikes Back.
Really? [Laughs]
Get out of here, it was an Empire?
- Guess who's saber. - Gotta be Luke's.
Yep, Luke's.
It was...exciting.
I mean, it really was because you're seeing
a prop from the original Star Wars movie.
That's crazy.
How do you think it wound up
in Ann arbor, Michigan?
Like I said, this guy bought it in an auction.
Uh, it goes in the showcase, like, one day.
The guy offered to sell it to me for, like, 60 bucks,
and I said, "Sold," then and there on the spot, so...
- You bought this for 60 bucks? - Yeah.
How much is it worth?
Uh, it looks pretty aged...
Over seven grand.
[Laughs]
Easily.
You know, I could double that 60 that you spent.
- I'll triple it, 180. - [Laughs]
That's a pretty good return on an investment.
I'll still have to pass.
All right, well, good meeting you, man.
But you'll know where it is
if you guys ever change your minds.
Ooh, I like that.
Rock on!
Teh-tah!
Yeah, yeah!
Sesayisin! Hip, hip, toogen!
This is the longest day that I could remember in a while.
Why was it long for you?
'Cause he needs to figure out how he's gonna tell his wife
he let Mewes put hundreds of dollars on his credit card.
'Cause you know he used it again a couple of times, right?
What?
Yeah, he just looked at the receipt.
He looked at the receipt and just
wrote the n--like, punched the number in manually.
He said he's gonna pay you back, though.
If he says he's gonna pay me back,
he's gonna pay me back, right?
Of course.
Optimism beyond that of a normal man.
Hey, guys, can I grab that stuff? I gotta get out of here.
You're leaving?
Yeah, yeah, I'm out of here.
All right, all right.
He's taking a half day.
- Wow. - Thank you very much.
Thanks for stopping by, man.
You did a great job, man.
You have nothing to worry about.
I'm gonna talk to Kevin. You guys did great.
Don't worry, guys. Have a good one.
Wait, wait. When do I get my money back?
- It's really good to see you. - Hey!
Don't worry about your money.
Let's just be thankful
that hurricane Mewes has just gone off coast.
Hurricane Mewes came in,
picked up your money, and took off.
Just like Halley's comet, it comes around
once every six years and you just gotta
pray that the comet don't hit your house.
So, ultimately you never found out why he was here?
Never did find out.
We can get to the bottom of this mystery right now.
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome a very special guest.
Jason Mewes.
[Gibberish]
[All laugh]
Jason Mewes, Jay to my silent Bob,
you gotta tell me, dude, why were you here?
You were talking about it.
You were like, "Oh, I wonder how things are going."
"I really wish I could be there
to see how things are set up and going."
Then you inferred that you
should fly six hours across the continent; Almost 3,000 miles,
because I was going like, "I wonder what's
going on in the store right now?"
Well, yeah, I mean, I thought we had this sort of--
Fair enough, man.
You think there's a budget in the store for me to get, like,
a little apartment or something next door?
We can convert-- [All laugh]
***
We'll see you next week.